“Words are the most powerful drug used by mankind.”
-Rudyard Kipling
“The limits of my language mean the limits of my world”
-Ludwig Wittgenstein
What powerful quotes.
#2 on our list of 30 learnings from 30 years experience, is learning how powerful a drug that words and language are. We wonder though, do we utilise this ‘drug’ enough in the treatment of Eating Distress/ Eating Disorders?
It is concerning how careless we can still be with our language. We often discuss the past, feelings, emotions, but what about the words that shape our thinking?
We continue to label people as anorexic, bulimic or overeater, these are terms that can carry a significant amount of shame for a person being labelled with them.
Consider this: when a person breaks a leg, we do not call them leg broken. When a person suffers from flu, we do not call them fluer, you get my point (hopefully). Similarly, people experiencing anorexia symptoms or bulimia symptoms, these people are overcoming anorexia or bulimia; they are not defined by these conditions, they are not anorexics or bulimics, they are human beings.
We don’t believe people are overeaters either, people use food to numb their emotions. These behaviours do not need to become a person’s identity.
The Origins of Terminology
Where do these words come from? Are they a little out of date?
Anorexia Nervosa: This term originates from Greek, meaning 'without appetite.' It started to be used only a century and a half ago, making it relatively new. Our experiences have shown that people with anorexia don't lack appetite, they exert immense effort to control it. This suppression and control makes them think constantly about food, making these thoughts central to their lives and experiences. The term 'anorexia' doesn't describe the person; it merely refers to the visible behaviour of controlling appetite, overshadowing their other qualities, talents, and capabilities. Adding 'nervosa' doesn’t help much, though it’s better than the previously used 'anorexia hysteria.'
Bulimia Nervosa: Added to the DSM in 1979, this term also comes from Greek, meaning 'eating like an ox.' This limited description of behaviour creates immense shame, keeping individuals in secrecy and making recovery more difficult.
Emotional Eating gets more attention in recent time and again – Binge Eating Disorder, added to DSM in 1987.
We need to remember that all these terms are just describing a person's behaviours. Focusing only on people’s behaviours is not recovery. It is just what we see. It is like building a house from the roof down, no base, no deep foundation.
Some studies show that a person has 60,000 thoughts a day, some say only 40,000. We’ve never counted these thoughts, but people with ED think a lot and for many reasons they think very fast as well.
Our behaviours are a coping mechanism for dealing with our feelings, most of our feelings are coming from our thoughts.
Living in a Western culture, our thoughts are heavily influenced and conditioned by the intensive over-informed society that we live in.
Learning to change our thoughts from destructive to supportive is the key to recovery and freedom from ED.
Words are free, but the way we use them can cost us a lot.
The Importance of Self-Talk
Our words create thoughts, and these thoughts form our self-talk. In recovery, the language we use in our self-talk is a fundamental building block. Words have power: they can inspire, hurt, heal, move our hearts, and move our bodies. Words can drive recovery.
How often do we pay attention to our words in this busy world? Our thoughts deserve much more attention than we typically give them. Let’s spend more time on the importance of words, especially in our self-talk.
Recent studies have explored how our brain processes language and the effects of words on our brain. Often, we can gauge a person’s stage in recovery by listening to the words they use. The more recovered and free a person is, the simpler and clearer their sentences. As Leonardo da Vinci said, "Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." It’s also the ultimate tool for recovery.
In the Psycholinguistic Model, we learn that our words represent different experiences and associations. It can be helpful to ask: “When I am listening, what am I hearing?” Different words have different meanings for different people.
The longer we are working with people wanting to recover, the more we see that the language and the changes in our language is the key
A different language is a different vision of life
- Federico Fellini
Examples of words to avoid and words to use instead
WORDS TO AVOID
1- Have to…
2- Can’t…
3- What is your problem?
4- I don’t know
6- We can’t do that
7 - I should
8 - Need to
WORDS TO USE
1- Will you…
2- Would you . .
3- Can you tell me about the problem?
4- Let me find out
5- What could we do
7- I could
8 - What are my options?
As you continue on this journey, be compassionate with yourself, stay open to learning, and practice replacing unhelpful thoughts with more balanced perspectives.
Visit us here for Weekly Wisdoms and information on how to start experiencing more emotional Freedom