Finding Comfort in Discomfort
#22 on our 30 learnings from over 30 years working with people experiencing Eating Distress
While ago, at our Monthly Reflection Group, we discussed the topic on Embracing Discomfort. I was asking myself this question for some time, so I wanted to share with you, some reflections on the question:
"Can we really find comfort in discomfort?
When we are in the depths of eating distress/eating disorder (ED) we often numb, which brings up to reacting, instead of acting. We may not realise how disconnected we are, or were, until we begin the recovery process.
Numbing and avoiding discomfort may have helped us to cope, something that many of us have ended up mastering it well and was working for us, but we can pay a high price for it.
Learning to experience discomfort is a crucial part of the recovery process. Discomfort often signals that healing is taking place, that connections are happening, but it can be challenging to cope with.
Embracing discomfort takes courage, but the lessons it offers are invaluable for growth and our self-care.
In today’s world, we are encouraged to avoid discomfort, but that will only multiply it, that will add to its intensity.
The word discomfort has a very negative attachment nearly a bad word, something that we should not experience it, should not be there, which can lead to guilt. But here’s the truth: Life is full of discomfort. Being recovered doesn’t mean a life free from discomfort; it means finding healthier ways to deal with it. Through learning and reflections, we can use discomfort to build a stronger, more resilient self.
What is discomfort? How do we define it?
According to the dictionary, discomfort is a feeling slight pain, feeling uneasy, anxious or embarrassment.
Understandably, no one wants to feel this way. These days we might label is as a disorder and turn to psychiatric drugs and masking it. It’s like seeing a red warning light on our car’s dashboard: instead of investigating the issue, we might ignore it and hope it goes away.
For many years, I avoided learning from challenging uncomfortable situations. My ED behaviours around food, alcohol, psychiatric drugs were temporary fixes that never solved the root issues, the opposite.
It took time, but I eventually saw how much I was avoiding growth by sidestepping discomfort. The "red lights" in my life kept flashing, more and more frequently. Today, I value these uncomfortable moments because they’ve contributed to my sense of contentment and joy in my life.
Where does discomfort come from?
The last few years when I ask clients how things are going, they often respond with ‘god’ or ‘bad’. Typically, “bad” means they’ve faced uncomfortable feelings. Labelling and judging these experiences as “good” or “bad” only adds to our discomfort and makes growth harder.
The discomfort comes from our expectations how situation should be and as we add the judgement to it, we are closing the door for learning. We need to wake up the explorer within us and to start to investigate all the other different solutions.
Expectations are significant sources of discomfort. Scrolling a lot on social media, for example, which often promotes an illusion of a perfect, happy life, with carefully curated images of people enjoying themselves on beaches or mountain peaks. While there’s nothing wrong with sharing happy moments, everybody wants to portrait their best, but the constant comparison can leave us feeling inadequate and feeling deprived in our life.
Yes, watching a lot of unbalance overly positive expressions and comparing can be another source of huge discomfort, and add to feeling not good enough.
Overanalysing and ruminating about our life/recovery can also be source of discomfort. Instead of excepting our situation and remaining open to change , we may feel stuck. As we grow older and wiser, we realize there are often multiple solutions to our problems.
External pressure and toxic environment can be another source. Especially when we allow them to affect our sense of self. Recognizing these influences is the first step toward change. When we’re in the grip of an ED, we may blame others instead of learning from difficult experiences, keeping us feeling stuck. There are many different sources of our discomfort. One of the important tools in lessening discomfort is to keep things simple, so I would like to keep it short and simple.
Yes, we can find comfort in discomfort learning to put thing into perspective, to understand our discomfort and to learn from it. These situations aren’t our fault; they are opportunities to understand ourselves better, grow, to appreciate our strengths.
Surviving discomfort and learning from it, will take us from a place of victim to a place of survival. From there we can see so much more solution and brightness. It is lovely place to be, but it would be an illusion to think we can reach this destination without experiencing different types of discomforts.
One of the most important steps in recovery from ED is to be open to learn from challenging situations and put them in perspective. If it is around the nourishment, learning to trust to our bodies, dealing with our emotions or relationships. With using our courage to face different discomforts all these areas will get easier.
Let’s start today.
Thank you for reading it.
Mx
As you continue on this journey, be compassionate with yourself, stay open to learning, and practice replacing unhelpful thoughts with more balanced perspectives.
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